September 19
The best word I can use to describe our initial experience with parenting is "humbling". Before we had Owen, I had many preconceived notions of what I thought parenting would be like, and how we would teach Owen to learn and grow with our family. A few of those thoughts were: (1) to avoid the struggle of getting a toddler to sleep in their own bed, our baby would start sleeping in their crib as soon as it made sense; (2) we would breastfeed exclusively until 6 months; and (3) we would never consider one of those infant helmets for flat head syndrome (was it a gimmick?).
Owen is teaching me that he is a person, first and foremost, and he has a say in how he wants to live. Yes, we are the parents and we can have goals we want to work towards, but at the end of the day, I don't get to decide for him how he is going to feel and react to life. He has one by one, dismantled each one of the thoughts I had for raising him in his early weeks. To recap:

(1) Owen slept like an angel until he was 3 months old. He still slept very well for his age until 4 months old as well. We thought WE had done something right. Haha. No so. He was just an infant and had some growing to do. After 4 months, specifically the night we returned home from Mammoth, Owen decided that sleep wasn't really his favorite thing. We were on a emotional rollercoaster of sleep deprivation (Owen and us) when he. just. wouldn't. go. to. sleep. from 2am onwards. We tried everything. At some point, after weeks of not sleeping and him just not being ready for sleep training, we gave in and would do anything to get the guy to sleep. At 5.5 months we actually visited the pediatrician because our daycare provider, Kim, said she was getting worried about his lack of sleep as well. He stopped napping and sleeping at night, which is very rare considering he is so happy and full of life all day long. I think Owen just loves to be around people and is so social that he has FOMO (fear of missing out) at night and during naps. We described what was going on to the pediatrician and she said, "oh wow, that sounds really bad!" This made me feel marginally better in my sleep deprived state. I wasn't just being a baby; Owen was actually being a tough little cookie. The pediatrician prescribed zantac because she thought he may have silent reflux, and said to stick to a strict sleep and nap schedule. So far it's been a week and a half and things are improving. Owen is napping like a champion again, and sleeping at least half of the night on his own. Was it silent reflux? Was he just ready to figure it out on his own? Is it teething? Who knows. But at the end of the day, when Owen wakes up screaming at 2am and just. won't. stop, preconceived notions be dammed. We pick him up and cuddle him on the couch or in bed until he falls back asleep.

(2) Owen has been difficult to feed since early on. He never had an issue latching on or any other physical issue, but ever since I went back to work he preferred the bottle to the boob. Maybe bottles are easier to drink? I don't know. He liked nursing in bed at night, but other than that, nursing was a battlefield for 90% of daytime feedings. At some point I realized that it just wasn't worth the tears (for him and I) to get him back to breastfeeding. So, I pumped and I pumped and I pumped to give him breastmilk exclusively, like my goal, even when I was home and the one doing the feeding. Owen, you owe me big time for this, buddy. I felt like the pump was an extension of my body for months, but I tried my best to be positive and realize that either way, you were getting the best nutrition we could give you. After a while, my production began to decrease and I couldn't keep up. We went through 3 trash bags full of frozen milk in what felt like an instant. When we returned home from Yosemite, we gave you your first bottle of formula, and while I thought I would cry at the end of an era, I actually felt some relief. My preconceived notion of breastfeeding exclusively until 6 months was not realized. We got you to 5 months, and you've been doing great on formula ever since.

(3) Owen started having a noticeable flat spot on the back of his head around 3 months. We didn't know that we should have been turning the direction he was facing in his crib each night since he was born. There is just so much to know about being a new parent, and this little tidbit of information just slipped through the cracks. We began switching the sides we laid him down, and even turning his head after he feel asleep at night. We began to go crazy trying to get him to lay on the other side of his head. We bought a little pillow that kept the back of his head off the floor, and tried to get him to do as much tummy time as possible. But it just wasn't working. At our 4 month check up, the pediatrician said the words that we dreaded hearing. "Have you thought about a helmet? His flat spot is moderate to severe. You should really think about getting one before he is 6 months old. The shape of his eyes and ears could be affected". Ahhhh! Really? Months before I had talked about how there was no way this would happen to our little guy, and now we were having THAT conversation with the pediatrician. We vowed to do more tummy time and give it another month, but the pediatrician said that some kids are just more prone to flat spots than others. She said that in some families, all the kids get flat spots regardless of doing everything right, while other kids have no issues without any effort. At our 5 month check up, the pediatrician said things were improving, but not 100% yet. She recommended getting a head scan as a baseline to see if he was getting better. We hemmed and hawed, and ended up having to see the pediatrician at 5.5 months for his sleep issues. She said Owen's head was looking much better, and not to worry about it anymore. Phew. Good job, Owen.

I've learned that yes, indeed, we hit the baby jackpot with Owen. He is so happy and easy and cute and cuddly. But even an "easy" baby is hard. And it's ok that it's hard. It's not anything that we did wrong, or even right. He's his own person, and we just have to love him for who he is.